Poetry by Rowan Evans

Oh, you’re the "nice guy," huh?
Shuddup, Nice Guy™—
your kindness isn’t a currency
and you sure as hell can’t cash in
on empty compliments and unsolicited advice.

You think opening the door
is the grand gesture?
Buddy, if you’re looking for a medal,
try doing something kind
without expecting a reward.

You say, "Women only like assholes."
Well, maybe it's because
your idea of “nice” is just a disguise
for your entitlement dressed up
in a sweater vest and “good intentions.”

You buy flowers, but never listen
to what she’s really saying.
You’re a walking “compliment” factory,
but your words are hollow
like your understanding of consent.

"You just don’t see me like that."
No, Nice Guy™,
we don’t see you like that
because you can’t even see
the difference between being decent
and being someone’s emotional tax burden.

You think every "friendship"
is a transaction,
but friendships are about giving
without keeping score.
You should try it sometime—
real kindness has no receipt.

Your "complaints" about being “friend-zoned”
are a tired song.
Just because you didn’t ask
for her number
doesn’t mean she owes you
her affection,
let alone her time.

You're not nice,
you're just holding out
for a prize,
hoping she'll throw you a bone
for being "so understanding"
while ignoring everything about her
that isn't an easy fix.

You cry about being "too good for her,"
but Nice Guy™,
it’s not about being good—
it’s about being real.
Maybe start by listening,
not just waiting for your turn
to talk about how "good" you are.

You say, “I’m just trying to help,”
but really,
you’re helping yourself
to her patience,
her time,
her emotional labor—
expecting her gratitude
like it’s an entitlement
wrapped in a bow.

So shuddup, Nice Guy™.
You’re not owed a damn thing
for not being an asshole.
True kindness doesn’t keep score,
and it certainly doesn’t make excuses.
Try again when you figure out
how to be a man who gives,not just takes.