Poetry by Rowan Evans

Author’s Note

This vignette came from a dream — one that felt more like a memory than imagination.
It was the kind of dream that lingers, that shakes something loose inside you.
In it, I said the things I’ve always felt but never found the words for — until now.

Under Manila’s setting sun, I realized that love doesn’t always begin with desire.
Sometimes it begins with safety. With the unguarded honesty of being seen.

This piece is the beating heart behind today’s earlier reflection, The Fear of No Fear at All. Together, they form a diptych — one written from the soul’s silence, and the other from the soul’s awakening.

The Moment I Realized (Under Manila’s Setting Sun)
Vignette by Rowan Evans

The city stretched beneath us, a labyrinth of light and shadow.
The sun hovered at the horizon, bleeding gold across the skyline.
We sat in silence, letting the wind carry our thoughts,
letting the world pause, just for this moment.

I looked at her and couldn’t help but smile.
She noticed, tilted her head, gave me that small, questioning look.
“What?” she said, softly.

I breathed.
I hesitated.
And then I let it spill.

I spoke softly, careful not to burden, careful not to break,
“don’t take this as pressure, because that is the last thing I want—
but I have to be honest.”

The words trembled between us.
“Our connection… our friendship… it scares me.”

Not fear like a shadow crawling across your skin,
not fear like a storm that makes a child tremble—
no. This fear is different.
It is the absence of fear.
With you, I am everything I am meant to be,
and that… that is what scares me.

“You have changed my poetry,” I whispered,
“the way I write… it’s different now.
It’s real. I’ve never written about anyone the way I write about you.
Nobody has touched my art, my heart, my soul—
like you have.”

I paused, swallowed the weight of the truth.

“I mean… I’ve had crushes before, but this… this is something else. Something deeper.
You, without trying, made me realize I’ve never been in love.
You, without needing to do anything but exist in my life,
made me want to be better.
And I… I want to give you the world.
Because you deserve nothing less than the best.
Whether it’s with me, or with someone else…
anything less is unacceptable in my eyes.”

The silence returned, heavy and beautiful.
I don’t remember her words after that.
All I remember is the city, the sun, and that quiet realization:

fuck.
I really love her.
This is real.
And I will never be the same again.