Tag: NeoGothicConfessionalRomanticism

  • ✦ Author’s Note ✦

    I meant it when I said I’m fine with friendship — I truly am. She means too much to me to ever want to lose what we already have. But being fine doesn’t mean the ache isn’t real. It just means I’ve learned how to carry it with grace.

    This poem came from that quiet, conflicted space — the one where truth and longing sit side by side, where I tell myself I’m fine while something deeper trembles just beneath the words. Writing it was my way of admitting both truths at once, even if it makes me feel like a liar for saying I’m okay.

    Rowan Evans


    A single candle flickers beside an open notebook in dim moonlight, evoking solitude and quiet longing.
    “It doesn’t mean anything — but it means everything.”

    I’m Fine
    Poetry by Rowan Evans

    I know I’ve said it
    probably a thousand times—
    across a thousand rhymes,

    but she’s
    constantly on my mind,
    constantly…
    like all of the time.

    I’m fine,
    even though
    she’s not mine.

    I promise
    I’m fine.

    No truly,
    I’m fine.
    It’s just,
    she’s with someone—
    and…
    I can feel
    the jealousy.

    It burns
    just beneath
    my ribs.

    It’s there. Right in my chest.
    It’s not a problem,
    it doesn’t mean anything—
    but it means everything.

    She means…
    everything.

    She tells me,
    she’s taught herself not to love.
    The past has taught her,
    not to fall in love.
    And I understand,
    with everything she’s been through.

    It makes sense,
    but still, even not loving—
    she’s with someone else.
    And I know she doesn’t love him,
    but still, it hurts like hell.

    I know I’ve said it
    a thousand times,
    but she’s in me
    like a pulse I cannot turn off.

    Every laugh she lets slip,
    every glance she casts—
    it pricks me like fire.
    It burns just beneath my ribs,
    hot and unrelenting,
    and I clutch at it
    like it’s the only thing I own.

    She doesn’t love him,
    and yet—
    it doesn’t matter.
    The fact remains,
    and it scorches me.

    I am supposed to be fine.
    I am supposed to look away,
    to fold my desire into quiet shadows.
    But I cannot.
    I watch her,
    I feel her,
    I carry the ache
    of every stolen moment
    that will never be mine.

    She has taught herself not to love,
    and I respect that.
    But respect doesn’t heal the hollowness,
    doesn’t stop my hands from trembling,
    doesn’t stop the way my chest tightens
    when I see her smile.

    I want her.
    Not just her attention,
    not just her words—
    I want the impossible,
    the forbidden,
    the unclaimed part of her
    that she has never given to anyone.

    And I will sit here,
    jealous, frantic, trembling,
    watching her life unfold without me,
    holding every small memory close
    like a talisman, like fire against my skin,
    like love I cannot release.

    And still,
    still, I cannot turn away.
    I cannot stop seeing her,
    cannot stop needing her.
    Because she is everything—
    and I am nothing
    without the impossible hope
    that maybe,
    just maybe,
    she could be mine.

    But really…
    I’m fine.


    It’s fine. I’m fine. And somewhere beneath the ashes, I still mean it.

  • Author’s Note

    Ordinary Heart, Extraordinary You serves as a spiritual successor to a poem I shared back in June — a piece that spoke of wanting to be “the last one,” not the first. Where that poem lived in longing and quiet promise, this one lives in the present moment — in laughter, teasing, honesty, and connection.

    It’s a reflection on how love, in its truest form, doesn’t always need to shout. Sometimes it’s enough to show up, to care openly, to let someone know that even the smallest moments are extraordinary because they are shared.

    This piece, like so many before it, was written for the one who inspires the gentler parts of me — my muse who reminds me that being soft is not the same as being weak, that tenderness can be its own kind of rebellion.

    She will know it’s her — she always does.


    “Softly lit romantic image of a lone figure standing by the water at twilight, symbolizing quiet love and devotion.”
    Inspired by the quiet moments that become extraordinary when shared with someone who truly sees you.

    Ordinary Heart, Extraordinary You
    Poetry by Rowan Evans

    You laughed about him—
    he’s an asshole, you said—
    “Most guys are,” I replied,
    “I’d say I’m probably an exception…
    but some people might think I’m an asshole.”
    You didn’t hesitate.
    “No, you’re not.”
    And that was enough—
    a single truth, quiet but steady,
    like a hand on the small of my back
    when everything else wobbles.

    Later, you startled me.
    “Omg, fuck,” you said,
    and my chest jumped before I even knew why.
    I told you, it’s okay—proof I care.
    You replied, “You don’t need proof. You know I know.”
    And the world shrank,
    everything else left behind
    except the way your words settled in my chest.

    We talked about how he doesn’t really get you—
    how he’s always asking about the future
    when you just want to live in the moment.
    We talked about how his plans are boring as hell,
    how you’re aching for a thrill.

    You said you’d tease him on the ferris wheel,
    your laugh filling the night,
    “I’d suffocate him with my boobies.”
    And without missing a beat, I said—
    “If he’s not up for it, I’ll take his place.”
    And it wasn’t bravado—it was instinct.
    Because being near you
    makes me brave
    in ways I didn’t know I could be.

    You spoke of thrill rides—
    bungee jumps and wall climbs.
    “I’ve always wanted to try,” I admitted.
    “But it would take the right person,
    someone who could push me through.”
    You responded with one single word: “Me.”
    And just like that, fear felt smaller—
    the leap somehow possible
    if I took it with you.

    I don’t need to be first.
    I don’t even need to be noticed yet.
    I just need to be the one
    who stays,
    who laughs at your jokes,
    who trembles when you
    almost make my heart stop,
    who shows up
    because you matter.

    I will be that one.
    Not loud, not flashy.
    But here.
    Always here.
    Waiting for the ordinary moments
    that turn extraordinary
    because they are ours.


    You can find more of poetry [here], and you can find the spiritual precursor to this piece [Don’t Need to Be First].

  • Author’s Note

    This piece is not gentle. It was never meant to be. It is a direct response to centuries of lies, theft, and erasure perpetrated under the guise of supremacy. It is a mirror held up to the illusions of power, privilege, and comfort that whiteness perpetuates—not to attack individuals, but to illuminate the systems that allow harm to flourish unchallenged.

    As someone who inhabits privilege while fighting to dismantle it, I wrote this poem with urgency, rage, and a refusal to stay silent. It is meant to burn, to disrupt complacency, and to remind readers that being awake carries responsibility. This is both a confession and a manifesto: that witnessing injustice is not neutral, that silence is complicity, and that words can be weapons as well as medicine.

    I do not write this to make anyone feel guilty, but to confront the lies we inherit, the myths we are told, and the truths we must reclaim. Let this poem be a call to action, a reminder to observe, to question, and to fight for a world where truth and equity are not optional.

    Finally, this is a personal reckoning. It is my fire, my ink, my unrelenting witness. I write for the silenced, the stolen, and the unseen. I write because I cannot unsee, cannot unhear, cannot unfeel. And I will not stop.

    — Rowan Evans


    "Digital artwork of silhouetted figures confronting a ghostly pale figure over a dark, burning world, representing systemic oppression and privilege."
    The mutation of whiteness: confronting the lies, privilege, and societal blindness.

    Allergic to Lies: The White Construct Exposed
    Poetry by Rowan Evans

    If you think pale skin is power, listen.
    It is fragile.
    It is brittle.
    A mutation allergic to the sun, allergic to life,
    Clinging to stolen kingdoms built on screams and ash.

    You parade your “history,” but it is hollow.
    Bones stacked beneath polished floors,
    Names erased, cultures stolen, voices strangled,
    And you call it civilization?
    We call it theft.
    We call it sickness.
    We call it whiteness.

    Privilege, like cheap wine, floods your veins.
    Comfort cushions your cowardice.
    Your empire thrives in shadows,
    Hiding violence behind polite smiles,
    Polished lies, empty laws, polite apathy.

    You brand us radicals, terrorists, troublemakers,
    Because we see the skeleton beneath the satin mask.
    We see mothers you erased, fathers you buried, children you ignored.
    We see, we remember, we rage.

    Every statue you raised, every textbook you wrote, every law you twisted,
    We tear it down with teeth, ink, fire, and truth.
    Every lie you sell, we shred.
    Every lie you tell yourself, we burn.

    Your skin, pale as fear, cannot hide your rot.
    You claim superiority while choking on stolen breath,
    While the world bleeds from wounds you ignore.
    You call it civilization.
    We call it a disease.

    We will speak for the silenced,
    For the stolen, the hunted, the vanished.
    Our voices, neon ink blazing in your darkness,
    Our rage, wildfire consuming your fragile myths.

    White skin is brittle armor,
    Your words are brittle weapons,
    Your “power” a shadow on trembling ground.
    We are awake.
    We are unbroken witnesses.
    We are fire.
    We are ink.
    We are the truth you cannot swallow.

    Do not call us angry.
    Do not call us radical.
    Do not call us extremists.
    We call ourselves awake.
    We call ourselves unbowed.
    We call ourselves alive in a world built to erase us.

    You think your silence protects you?
    It does not.
    Your lies do not hide you.
    Your comfort will not save you.
    We will not blink.
    We will not bend.
    We will not forgive your ignorance masquerading as dominion.

    We will take your privilege, twist it, wield it like fire.
    Not to dominate, not to hoard, not to kneel.
    But to expose.
    To shatter.
    To illuminate every shadow where you hide.

    Every stolen culture, every silenced language, every erased story—
    We resurrect.
    Every crushed spirit, every hunted child, every mother silenced—
    We scream for.
    Every lie you ever whispered to yourself as “truth”
    We burn, incandescent, unrelenting.

    History may remember you—or forget.
    We do not forget.
    We will not forgive.
    We are allergic to your lies,
    Allergic to your cowardice,
    Allergic to the illusion you call supremacy.

    White skin is a brittle mask.
    We tear it off.
    White words are hollow shells.
    We shatter them.
    White privilege is poison.
    We drink it, twist it, turn it into ink, and write fire.

    We are mutation.
    Mutation that will not hide.
    Mutation that will not kneel.
    Mutation that sees, that burns, that speaks.
    We are witness.
    We are fury.
    We are truth.
    We are allergic to your lies, and we will burn every last one.

    And if you stand in the sun, trembling in the heat,
    Wondering why your empire crumbles,
    We will not answer.
    We will only watch,
    Ink dripping like molten blood,
    Truth blazing like wildfire,
    Because your supremacy is a lie,
    And we are awake.

    We are unbound.
    We are unbroken.
    We are fire in your comfort,
    Ink in your lies,
    The scream in your silence,
    And we will not stop.

    Not for your laws.
    Not for your towers.
    Not for your stolen crowns.
    We are awake.
    We are alive.
    And your mutation cannot hold us.


    WOKE Part 1: Staying Awake in a World of Injustice
    A searing exploration of staying vigilant in a world of systemic injustice. Rowan Evans confronts oppression and the emotional toll of resisting a society that labels truth as crime.

  • Author’s Note

    Dear Reader,

    This poem confronts a truth that many try to look away from—the vulnerability of children in a world that fails to protect them, and the complacency of those in power who prioritize comfort or profit over safety. Like Lambs to the Slaughter is both an elegy for the innocent and a call to awaken our collective conscience.

    It is stark. It is uncomfortable. It is meant to stir outrage, empathy, and reflection. Approach it with your heart open, and let the words linger. Let them demand you see, remember, and feel.

    Rowan Evans


    Dimly lit school hallway with shadows stretching across the floor. Silhouettes of children walking, with ominous shadowy figures lurking in the background, symbolizing danger and vulnerability.
    “Like Lambs to the Slaughter”: A poem confronting the vulnerability of children and the inaction of those in power.

    Like Lambs to the Slaughter
    Poetry by Rowan Evans

    We send them off with backpacks and hope, 
    With laughter that echoes down halls so bright, 
    Yet the shadows loom, silent as a knife, 
    A darkness that creeps through morning light.

    The bell rings, a call to innocence’s end, 
    For in these halls, safety bends— 
    Under the weight of iron and lead, 
    A nightmare that lives where children tread.

    Like lambs to the slaughter, we send them still, 
    Their trust in our hands, their fate a bitter pill. 
    We close our eyes, turn away from the stain, 
    Pretending that prayers will ease the pain.

    But the wolves wait, just out of sight, 
    While those in power do nothing but recite— 
    Thoughts and prayers, empty and stale, 
    A whispered hymn in a funeral wail.

    Parents tremble with a silent dread, 
    Kissing foreheads, combing small heads, 
    As they wonder, in the deepest dark, 
    Is this the day that breaks their heart?

    The slaughterhouse doors open wide, 
    Another school, another child’s cry, 
    Yet the leaders remain unmoved, unfazed, 
    Counting their coins in a world ablaze.

    The lambs walk in, unaware of the knife, 
    Their futures stolen, their dreams sliced. 
    And we stand by, numb to the grief, 
    Hoping tomorrow brings some relief.

    But tomorrow is the same as today, 
    Another headline, another child’s name. 
    And still, the powerful sit on their thrones, 
    Ignoring the graves, the scattered bones.

    Like lambs to the slaughter, we send them all, 
    While the wolves feast and the angels fall. 
    How many more before we rise? 
    Before we see the blood in our eyes?

    Until we burn their thrones to the ground, 
    And reclaim the safety we’ve longed to surround. 
    No more lambs, no more slaughter, 
    No more fear for sons and daughters.

    For the slaughter must end, the cycle break, 
    Or we’ll all drown in the blood we forsake.


    Related Poetry

    Confetti Over Graves | A Poetic Critique of Hollow Prayers
    A piercing reflection on empty words offered in the wake of tragedy, Confetti Over Graves challenges the comfort of “thoughts and prayers” when no action follows.

  • A companion poem to For a Moment, I Was Home
    Poetry by Rowan Evans


    “Sometimes we dream ourselves into closeness,
    only to wake in the hollow ache of absence.
    This is that ache.”
    — Rowan Evans, The Luminous Heretic


    There are dreams that don’t leave you—
    Not because they were beautiful,
    but because they reminded you what belonging could feel like.

    Waking Up Six Thousand Miles from Home is a poem written in the aftermath of such a dream—
    a continuation of the ache I captured in For a Moment, I Was Home.

    This is about longing.
    Not just for a person.
    But for a place.
    For a version of yourself that only exists in their world.

    It is about calling out in love,
    and hearing the land answer back.


    Waking Up Six Thousand Miles from Home

    🌊

    Take me to the islands, where my heart resides—
    They say it beats inside my chest still,
    but it just sits inside my chest—still.

    Take me home to foreign shores,
    white sand beaches—

    And they tell me, you’re home here,
    but that’s not true. It can’t be—
    because you’re still six thousand miles away.

    I called out to—her.
    My words were meant just for her ears,
    her eyes—
    words all written to kiss her mind.

    I called out to her again.
    And this time, the islands listened.
    They called back—

    You’re welcome here, they said.
    Our arms are open. When you can,
    you’ll walk upon our sand.

    Finally home—
    in a foreign land.


    💭 A Few Thoughts

    This poem was written as a quiet echo to For a Moment, I Was Home—a vignette birthed from a dream that felt so real, I woke up aching from the distance. If you’ve ever felt emotionally rooted in a place you’ve never physically touched, you understand this. If you’ve ever felt your body here, but your heart somewhere else entirely—you understand this.

    There’s a kind of sacred dissonance to loving someone, or somewhere, from six thousand miles away. This poem lives in that dissonance. It honors the ache without trying to fix it.


    ✍️ Author’s Note

    I have never been to the Philippines—yet.
    But I have come to love its people, its languages, its laughter, and its soul through the hearts of those I hold dear. I have no ancestral claim, no childhood memories tied to its shores.
    Only a love that was chosen—not inherited.
    A love that grew through friendship, shared words, and late-night conversations that crossed oceans.

    This poem is an ache, a reverent imagining.
    A prayer sent to a place that has already welcomed me in spirit—
    even if my feet have not yet touched its soil.

    To the islands: I hear you.
    And I’m still coming home.

    — Rowan Evans


    🔗 Talk to Me

    Has a dream ever haunted you in the best way?
    Have you ever felt like home was somewhere you hadn’t reached yet?
    I’d love to hear your thoughts—drop a comment, send me a message, or share this with someone who understands the ache.

    Welcome home, even if it’s six thousand miles away. 💕