Author’s Note

This piece started as me messing around with wordplay and nostalgia, and it spiraled into pure pixelated chaos.

Underneath the Nintendo references and party drama, though, it’s really about ego – how quickly pride turns into spectacle, how competition escalates, and how ridiculous we can look when we take ourselves too seriously.

Sometimes the best way to say something sharp is to hide it in a game.

— Rowan Evans

Pixelated Egos
Poetry by Rowan Evans

I was at a party strapped up,
IR blaster on my hip—
you can call me Duck Hunter, bitch.
Oh NES, just say yes—
I’ll introduce you to my
Super Mario Brothers,
and tell you
The Legend of Zelda.
In fact…

Let me introduce you to
the princess on grass—
she’s in her,
High Rule.
(Hyrule)

She’s soft-spoken—
but sharp like green rupees.
So no—
You can’t push to get
in her good graces.
You can’t tri- ‘n’ force it.

While the conversation flows,
in walks Peach, Daisy and Rosalina—
Toadstools in tow,
ready to get psychedelic.
Link trips, Wario quips
and things get heated.

Mario and Wario—
nose to nose,
pixelated egos
about to explode.
Then Luigi jumps in
and things go to blows,
Waluigi throws
punch after punch,
in this Super Smash (Bros.)
Melee.

When the dust settles,
it becomes clear—
Bowser disappeared,
and Peach isn’t here.
Mario’s looking at
Rosalina and Daisy,
and both are looking shady.
He snatches the shrooms,
looking for a 1-Up—

“Somebody get those
from him,” shouts Luigi—
“You know you can’t
let that man have shrooms.
You know what he’s
about to do.
He’ll stomp a Koopa or two,
turn a Goomba blue—
and act a fool.”

“Ope, too late.”
Mario’s eyes dilate,
as he snatches
the Master Sword—
(Uh, wrong franchise.)
He bolts out the door,
in a flash. “Wait!”
Kart tires squealin’,
banana peelin’
as he heads for the gate.

As Luigi confronts
Daisy and Rosalina—
I walk to the door,
to see flashing lights
going down
the long drive.

“Oh shit, he got a star…”
Turning back to the room,
“What are we gonna do?
We can’t stop him now!”

Meanwhile,
on the other side of town…
Mario swerves
in and out of traffic.
Until he drifts
and comes to a stop.
Out he hopped,
arm swinging as he walked.
Master Sword propped
on his shoulder,
he approached the castle doors.

Foot meets wood,
and the door flies open.
Mario steps in,
sword at the ready—
But it’s not Bowser that he sees,
it’s… Toad?

“Sorry, your Princess is in another Castle…”

“WHAT THE FU…”

Back at the party—
Rosalina let it slip,
Peach is a bit of a bitch.
She’s playin’ Mario…
“She cheated with Wario!?”
And Waluigi too.
Now, Bowser is the new dude—

From the corner,
a sharp laugh
followed by a booming voice.
“Y’all doin’ too much.”
Heads snapped to the side,
as the voice grabbed attention.
Eyes wide. Bowser smirks.

“Princess left the party, it’s true—
but you think I’m the new dude?
Absurd, Peach left with Kirby
last I heard.”

If you’re interested in more poetry, you can find it here → [The Library of Ashes]