Author’s Note

This piece came from a quiet fear I don’t talk about often – not fear of failure, but the fear of success.

I’ve spent most of my life identifying with the misfits, the outcasts, the ones who feel unseen. If the dreams I’ve been working toward actually come true, I don’t want to lose that alignment. I don’t want distance to turn into detachment. I don’t want growth to become ego.

Above No One is me checking myself before I ever need to.

Because if I ever rise, I want to rise without looking down on anyone.

— Rowan Evans

Above No One
Poetry by Rowan Evans

I’ve been thinking
about it a lot lately.
What would I do
If my dreams came true?

Honestly—
I don’t know.

I’d like to think
I’d stay the same.
That I wouldn’t change.

Because no matter
the successes—
I’d feel like a failure,
if I abandoned my people.
The outcasts and misfits,
the baby monsters and stray kids.

And I worry—
success might change
the way I see the world.
That I’ll see myself
on a pedestal,
looking down.

But I’m above
no one.

I worry
I’ll forget
where I started.
That perspective
will get distorted.
That history
will be reframed.

I don’t want to lose
the truth to arrogance.

What if success
creates
a different type
of disconnect?

I don’t want to become
unreachable.
To feel like I don’t belong
amongst the people
I came from.

You can’t witness from above—
you’ve got to stand
in the street.

I don’t know.
These thoughts
cross my mind sometimes.

What if growth
means change—
and change means
I’m no longer
who I used to be?

I don’t know.

Maybe—
I’m overthinking.

But overthinking
in this instance,
keeps me grounded.

Keeps me
from drowning,
under the weight
of becoming
something
I never meant to be.

Twenty-three years
and countin’—
at thirty-six,
that kind of time
makes you think.

If you’re interested in more poetry, you can find it here → [The Library of Ashes]