Author’s Note

Some words carry weight.

I’ve said them before in lighter seasons, when the feeling was warm but feeling. This time feels different. This time, I want to be certain before I let them leave my mouth.

This poem is about hesitation – not because I’m unsure of you, but because I want the words to be true when I say them.

— Rowan Evans

Before I Say It
Poetry by Rowan Evans

I dance around them—
the words I want to say.
One letter followed by four,
finished by three.
It’s funny to me,
this fear that grips my chest.
I try my best
to push it out,
to keep it down.

I bite my tongue
so the words won’t come out.
Even though,
I’d stand on the ledge
and shout.
I’d scream it out.
If I wasn’t so—

scared.

But what am I afraid of?
What is it exactly,
that makes this anxiety
attack me?

It’s the feelings inside,
they feel brand new.
Like nothing
I’ve ever experienced.
Sure, I have had
crushes before—
but this feels
different.

I’ve said—
1-4-3 before,
with ease.
Easy as
a summer’s breeze,
with a warmth to match.
But the feelings
weren’t attached.

But with you,
the words hit my teeth—
fall into retreat,
because I want to be sure.
I want to know
that these feelings,
that I’m feeling—
these moths in my stomach,
fluttering toward
the flickering light
inside my mind,
the thoughts of you.

I want to know
they’re true.
Because I never
want to lie to you.

If you’re interested in more poetry, you can find it here → [Library of Ashes]