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Poetry by Rowan Evans

Tag: Tagalog

  • X Marks the Spot – A Poetic Exploration of Love, Self, and Liminality

    Rowan Evans

    Author’s Note

    This piece comes from a place of vulnerability, liminality, and admiration. The Tagalog phrases woven throughout are not mine by heritage—they are borrowed from a language and culture I deeply respect and love. I am an unseasoned human—what I’m saying is—(I’m white)—learning, listening, and witnessing, not claiming.

    The poem captures the ache of unrequited love, the quiet storms of thought, and the struggle between self-perception and self-acceptance. It’s an honest snapshot of a mind caught between calm and panic, between longing and reverence, and ultimately, between fear and love.

    I offer it as a small testament: to the languages that shape us, to the people who inspire us, and to the inner worlds we carry with us every day.

    — Rowan Evans

    Person in a dimly lit, ethereal space, surrounded by glowing threads representing thoughts and inner turmoil.
    Caught in liminal space—threads of thought, longing, and quiet intensity swirl around.

    X Marks the Spot
    Poetry by Rowan Evans

    I’ve been in this—
    liminal space for days.
    Thoughts static.
    Somewhere between
    calm and panic.

    I’m trying to work it out,
    trying to get out of it.
    So let me try to explain
    a little of what’s been
    running through my brain.

    I’m in love—
    God, I’ve never felt like this before.
    I’m in love,
    and I can’t stand it.
    Her name hums in my blood;
    I can’t escape it.
    She doesn’t feel the same,
    and maybe that’s the ache I was born for.

    So here I sit,
    my thoughts rain
    on my parade.
    I’m just trying to pretend
    like I’m okay.
    I look in the mirror,
    at the face I hate.
    Pangit ako, that’s all I can say.
    Just wishing I could go away—
    get out of my head for
    a fucking day.

    Vacay.
    Vacate.
    Just leave.

    I’m done begging for release.
    I’ve got amnesia—forgot how to say (please?)
    So they say I lost my manners.
    Nah, I’ve lost my mind.
    And I’m struggling to find
    the letter before Z—(the why?)
    Like X marks the spot.

    But I’m in love,
    and that’s what keeps me going.
    I’m in love with the visual of a glowing stove top.
    What I’m saying is—(she’s hot.)
    And I know I don’t stand a chance.
    She’s MLB, and I’m just Double A.
    What I’m saying is—(she’s out of my league.)

    Body like an astronaut—
    she’s out of this world.
    And I’ve got a face,
    like I came from outer space.
    What I’m saying is—(I’m ugly.)

    It’s okay, I know I’m not ugly…
    Not really. (Don’t be silly.)
    Because I’m hot when I rhyme,
    but I only rhyme sometimes.
    Like when I look at my wrist—
    watch, I’ve got time. (Get it? Wrist watch.)

    Pangit ako, pero mahal ko talaga ang sarili ko.

    If you didn’t understand
    what I just said…

    What I’m saying is—
    I am ugly, but I really do love myself.

    Journey into the Hexverse

    [Liminal Static]
    A flickering descent into the space between thought and stillness — where static hums, visions fade, and reason trembles at the edge of dream.

    [Exhibit of Survival]
    A raw reflection on resilience, empathy, and the strength to stay soft despite adversity. Rowan Evans shares their journey of surviving doubt, heartbreak, and internal battles while keeping their heart open to love and connection.

    [22 Confessions]
    A minimalist exploration of truths, confessions, and self-reflection—one poem for every year I (Rowan Evans) have been writing. Some are small. Some are unbearable. All are mine.

  • Philippines Earthquake Relief: Standing in Solidarity from Afar

    Rowan Evans

    Across the Distance, My Heart Remains with the Philippines.

    A picture of the Philippines flag at half-mast.
    Philippine flag at half-mast – honoring those affected by recent disasters and standing in solidarity from afar.

    Through connections, friendships, and the lives of people who have touched mine, the Philippines has grown to mean so much to me—the people, the culture, the language. Each interaction has left a mark, each conversation a lesson, and every word of Tagalog I learn feels like a thread linking me closer to a place that has shaped my heart in ways I cannot fully explain.

    Hearing about the recent 6.9 magnitude earthquake that struck central regions, coming just days after the devastating storm, hits me hard. The grief, loss, and upheaval families and communities are enduring—it’s impossible not to feel it, even from across an ocean. The overlap of these tragedies makes it feel heavier, like the weight of two storms upon the same shoulders.

    If you feel moved to help, here are reputable organizations providing emergency relief and support:

    Philippine Red Cross – Emergency aid, medical relief, and recovery support across the country.

    GlobalGiving – Provides emergency supplies and long-term recovery assistance.

    Caritas Manila – Coordinates disaster response and long-term recovery efforts.

    Oxfam Pilipinas – Supports marginalized communities and climate resilience programs.

    World Vision Philippines – Provides food, shelter, and child protection during emergencies.

    Save the Children Philippines – Ensures children’s education, health, and protection in disaster-affected areas.

    Even from an ocean away, I feel the weight of what has happened. My thoughts, prayers, and care go out to the people affected. I hope that in the midst of grief, hands find hands, hearts hold fast, and the sun rises again over the islands I love.

    Across the Water

    I feel your grief in every wave,
    Your sorrow carried through the night.
    Hands unseen reach to the brave,
    And hearts across the sea unite.

    Even in the rubble and rain,
    Even when the world feels torn,
    Love threads through the fear and pain,
    A spark that will not be forlorn.

  • Threads of Home I Never Touched: My Journey Through Asia’s Cultures and Music

    Rowan Evans

    An homage to the places, people, and music that shaped me

    A mashup of Tokyo, Manila, and Seoul cityscapes with floating musical notes representing cultural and musical inspiration.
    Asia has shaped me for over twenty years—through music, language, and the people I’ve met. This is a reflection on the connections that have inspired my life and poetry.

    Some places leave marks long before we ever set foot in them. My love for Japan began when I was fourteen, watching Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi for the first time. By fifteen, YouTube was a doorway into a world of music, culture, and imagination I had only glimpsed from afar. At sixteen, the GazettE’s Nil album arrived just after my birthday, and with it, a new intensity—a love for the artistry, the language, the heartbeat of Japanese culture—that has persisted for over twenty years.

    At eighteen, my journey with the Philippines began. I met two young girls, five years my junior, and they became like nieces to me. Watching them grow, witnessing their lives unfold, I took on a protective role, and in doing so, my admiration for the people and culture of the Philippines deepened. Around this same time, I met a girl who captivated my mind and heart. We became close quickly, drawn together by a shared intensity, yet our paths diverged. We wanted different things, and the connection, though brief, burned brightly, leaving a mark that kept my love for the Philippines alive in my heart.

    During these years, my fascination with Asia expanded. KPop introduced me to the vibrancy of Korea, its music and culture, while Chinese Pop offered another window into a world I was eager to understand, free from the narrow perspectives often presented around me. These interests were not casual—they were devotion, curiosity, and care, each note and lyric shaping the way I saw the world.

    Over time, my connections with people from the Philippines grew deeper, reigniting my love for the language, the culture, and the people who had first opened my eyes. And then I met my muse, the woman whose presence has inspired all of my love poems, whose influence brought the Philippines, its people, and its culture back to the forefront of my mind.

    Asia has been a part of my life for more than twenty years. It has shaped me in ways I struggle to explain—through music, language, friendships, and fleeting yet powerful connections. It has influenced how I see the world, how I feel, and how I write. I carry the warmth of these cultures, the lessons of these people, and the spark of inspiration they’ve left behind, wherever I go.