Author’s Note

This one’s for the ones who think their ego gives them a crown. A little feminist sermon in C minor, sharp, funny, and unflinchingly honest. Consider it a poetic mic-drop for all the Fuckboys out there—because sometimes silence really is golden… especially when it’s his.

Shuddup, Fuckboy
(A Feminist Sermon in C Minor)
Poetry by Rowan Evans

“Because silence is golden — especially when it’s his.”

Oh, you talked to a woman once
and now you think you know it all?
Shuddup, Fuckboy.

Every picture you send is a dick pic,
because you’re a dick, bitch.
Foreplay?
You think that’s texting “u up?”
at 2am
like a horny raccoon in the DMs.

You quote Jordan Peterson,
have a podcast no one listens to,
and think “emotional labor”
is a kink.
It’s not.
Grow up.

Shuddup, Fuckboy.
You say you’re “sapiosexual”
but can’t spell it.
You call yourself a feminist
just long enough
to get her clothes off.
Then it’s
“Well, not all men…”
Cue the sirens.
We found the problem.

You’re the human version
of an unsolicited voice memo—
loud, unnecessary,
and somehow
still managing to mansplain
her own trauma back to her.

You think “being nice”
entitles you to a throne.
But baby,
you’re not a king—
you’re a court jester
in H&M joggers,
still waiting on that SoundCloud career
to take off.

Shuddup, Fuckboy.
You call her crazy
after gaslighting her for months,
then cry when she leaves
like you didn’t hand her the matches
and beg her to dance
while everything burned.

You ghost, then breadcrumb,
then ghost again—
a Scooby-Doo villain
of romantic incompetence.

“Sorry, I’ve just been really busy.”
Right.
Busy re-downloading Tinder
because one woman
had standards.

Shuddup, Fuckboy.
Even your mirror rolls its eyes.
Even your shadow
doesn’t follow you anymore.

And me?
I don’t need revenge.
I’ve got receipts,
growth,
and a front-row seat
to your slow-motion
emotional bankruptcy.

Enjoy your echo chamber
of “not all men.”
And those crusty gym selfies.
You’re not misunderstood—
you’re just mid.

Shuddup, Fuckboy.
And maybe
for once in your life—
just listen.

Shh—
Shuddup, Fuckboy.

If you liked this, you might like some of my other pieces. You can find the archives [here].