Poetry by Rowan Evans

Author’s Note

One confession for every year I have been writing.
Some truths are small.
Some are unbearable.
All are mine.

22 Confessions
Poetry by Rowan Evans

I.
i have told someone
i loved them,
when i didn’t mean it—
just to see if i could.

II.
i stare at my reflection
too long.
still—
i don’t see what others do.

III.
i’ve held grudges
longer—
than i’ve held hands.

IV.
i crave chaos in silence,
as if noise
could make me
alive.

V.
i have written letters
i will never send.
they carry my soul.
anyway.

VI.
i envy people who forget.
i remember
everything.

VII.
i love someone
so deeply,
it hurts—
to breathe around them.

and still—
they are never mine.

VIII.
i sometimes wish
i could be unremarkable
just for a day.

IX.
i judge myself
harder than anyone else
ever could.

X.
i laugh at the wrong moments
to hide the right ones.

XI.
i hold people to impossible standards,
and silently blame myself
when they fail.

XII.
i have hurt the innocent
to protect myself.
i called it survival.
it was selfishness.

XIII.
i crave being seen—
but panic when i am.

XIV.
i have whispered secrets
to strangers
i would never share
with friends.

XV.
i write confessions
i pray nobody reads.

XVI.
i have loved my own pain
more than i have loved—
anyone else.

XVII.
i sometimes pretend
to be stronger
than i feel.

XVIII.
i am afraid of being ordinary.
extraordinary terrifies me too.

XIX.
i have loved
the idea of people
more than the people themselves.

XX.
i keep parts of myself
in boxes
even i cannot open.

XXI.
i crave connection—
but it terrifies me—
every single time.

XXII.
i am still learning
how to forgive myself.
before it is too late.

Closing question:

I’ve confessed 22 truths. Which one would you admit aloud?

To read more of my work, check out the archives: [The Library of Ashes]