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Poetry by Rowan Evans

Tag: dissociation poetry

  • Right Behind My Eyes – A Poem About Dissociation, Love, and Staying Present

    Rowan Evans

    Author’s Note

    There’s a specific kind of distance that’s hard to explain unless you’ve felt it.

    Not absence–
    but separation.

    Like you’re still here, still moving, still functioning…
    but you’re watching it happen from just behind your own eyes.

    This piece lives in that space.

    Between control and detachment. Between presence and drifting.

    For a long time, I thought connection was something that could fix that feeling–pull me fully back into myself.

    But that’s not really how it works.

    No one can do that for you.

    What they can do… is help anchor you.
    Give you something steady to hold onto while you find your way back.

    This piece isn’t about being saved.

    It’s about realizing that even in disconnection, even in that distance–
    there are still things that keep you here.

    And sometimes, that’s enough.

    — Rowan Evans

    Blurred figure standing in a dim room with a double-exposure effect symbolizing dissociation and emotional distance.
    Even at a distance from yourself, something can still keep you here.

    Right Behind My Eyes
    Poetry by Rowan Evans

    I stand between—
    control and disassociation.
    It’s like I’m right behind
    my own eyes,
    watching my own life
    pass me by.

    My body moves,
    but my mind
    stays still.

    Just going
    through the motions.

    Thoughts run rampant—

    One step forward,
    two steps back.
    One more step
    for everything I lack.

    From inside my mind,
    I see myself retreat—
    wake, eat, sleep, repeat.

    But I long
    for connection.

    Outside,
    I’m alone.
    Inside,
    her voice echoes.

    It keeps me—
    from drifting further,
    from disappearing completely.

    And in this struggle,
    I learned one thing:

    I don’t love easy—
    but when I love,
    I love deeply.

    And this love
    is the one thing
    that keeps me—
    from going under,
    from letting
    the darkness win.

    Because she can’t fix me,
    just like I can’t fix her.

    We’re not broken—
    we’re bruised.

    And bruises heal.
    Not by rescue,
    not by repair,
    but by time
    and care.

    And somehow—
    she draws the light
    from within me.

    Journey into the Hexverse!

    [The Voice in the Haze]
    A wandering dream, a voice that feels like memory, and a moment where everything quiets just enough to be found.

    If you’re interested in more poetry, you can find it here → [The Library of Ashes]

  • Off-Center, Still Tethered – A Poem About Mental Disconnection and Finding Your Way Back

    Rowan Evans

    Author’s Note

    Sometimes the mind shifts slightly out of alignment. Not enough to call it depression or anxiety – just enough to feel off-center.

    This piece came from trying to describe that strange mental state where nothing is obviously wrong, yet everything feels a little disconnected. In moments like that, even a single steady thread can be enough to help you find your way back.

    — Rowan Evans

    Silhouette of a person standing slightly off center at a quiet shoreline at dusk, symbolizing mental disconnection and reflection.
    Sometimes you’re not lost—just slightly off-center, following the thread that leads you back.

    Off-Center, Still Tethered
    Poetry by Rowan Evans

    I don’t feel like myself lately.
    Like something is a little off, maybe.
    Something in my mental health slipped,
    it’s not depression or anxiety—
    it’s something else entirely.

    I’m not sad—just disconnected,
    severed threads rest on the ground
    around me as I sit in my mind—
    mentally exhausted. Body on autopilot.
    It’s like the floor shifted slightly,
    half an inch to the left
    when I wasn’t looking.
    Now every step feels right,
    but not quite—
    like something’s missing.

    I’ve always found
    that my mind
    and the world
    didn’t align.
    So I’ve always been
    a little off center.
    But this is more than that,
    it’s like a panic attack
    without the panic,
    not to be dramatic.

    It’s like depression,
    without the sadness.
    Just heavy weight,
    overwhelm and
    lack of motivation
    in social situations.

    That piles on,
    now I’m overwhelmed
    and feeling guilty.
    So I disappear into myself,
    but there’s one thread left
    tethered to the outside—
    the one constant in my thoughts.

    It’s the same thread
    that it’s always been,
    for the last year now.
    The same thoughts,
    that have kept me grounded—
    even when my head was in the clouds.
    So it is that thread,
    I will follow
    to find my way out.

    If you’re interested in more poetry, you can find it here → [The Library of Ashes]