Tag: self-awareness

  • Author’s Note

    Sometimes the loudest hater in the room is the one you brought with you.

    Walk-A-Block in Flames started with the idea of imaginary critics—the voices that somehow manage to find fault with everything you do, even when nobody else is actually saying a damn thing. Naturally, my brain decided the appropriate response was to turn that internal conflict into a ridiculous walk around the block, throw in some wordplay, and see how many times I could make the joke work before the poem eventually turned the joke back on me.

    Because beneath all the flames, bravado, and fake enemies, there’s a much simpler realization:

    Sometimes the person I’m arguing with is me.

    And honestly?

    That’s probably the funniest part.

    — Rowan Evans


    A poet walks around a city block engulfed in symbolic flames while shadowy figures representing imaginary haters follow behind.
    Plot twist: the haters were imaginary, and unfortunately, they had my voice.

    Walk-A-Block in Flames
    Poetry by Rowan Evans

    They tell me,
    these imaginary haters,
    that I’ve fuckin’ created—
    they live inside my head,
    feeding on my self-doubt—
    obsessed with burning the self-down.

    They make me take a walk,
    a walk around a block
    and it’s fucking hot—
    I guess you could say,
    these imaginary haters made me,
    Waka Flocka Flame.

    Wait—

    I meant to say—
    these haters made me
    Walk-A-Block In Flames.

    Honestly though,
    I don’t know
    what the fuck
    they hate me for—

    Is it because my wrist froze?
    Nope, I’m broke—
    Because I’m the best to ever do it?
    Nope, that’s a joke—

    Is it because they say
    the things I think about me?
    Couldn’t be—
    because I think I’m great,
    and these haters are fake.

    I mean literally fake,
    figments—
    they don’t exist,
    it’s just me in this bitch.

    Hi, it’s me…

    I’m the fuckin’ problem.


    Journey into the Hexverse

    If you’re interested in more poetry, you can find it here → [The Library of Ashes]

  • Author’s Note

    All for Me began with the idea of nature behaving like an overly enthusiastic audience—thunder applauding, lightning taking pictures, and rain rolling out the red carpet as if the sky had organized a celebration in my honor.

    The joke is that I’m not entirely opposed to the idea of being worth celebrating. I know I have my own value. I just don’t think the weather needs to turn that acknowledgment into a full-scale natural disaster.

    This is a playful little collision between self-confidence, reluctant attention, and the absurdity of taking the universe’s behavior personally.

    Sometimes the sky needs to understand that not every standing ovation requires a flood.

    — Rowan Evans


    A poet posing beneath a storm as lightning flashes and rain floods a red carpet in an exaggerated celebration.
    I appreciate the applause, but the sky really needs to chill.

    All for Me
    Poetry by Rowan Evans

    I sit beneath the open sky,
    watching as clouds roll in,
    listening as the thunder claps—
    it’s a round of applause,
    a standing ovation,
    but I don’t know—
    what we’re celebrating.

    Then the lightning flashes,
    and I strike a pose—
    ready for my picture to be taken,
    why? I don’t know—
    couldn’t get an answer,
    when I asked for it.

    Rain begins to fall,
    like confetti thrown—
    and the floods rush in,
    like the red carpet rolled—
    the sky keeps insisting
    I’m someone worth announcing,
    and I keep insisting—

    I’m not.

    Not that I don’t think
    I’m great—

    I do—

    I just don’t want nature to
    celebrate me too—
    because nature doesn’t know
    how to keep a party in check,
    it always gets out of hand.
    The water gets displaced—
    more ends up on land.

    And somewhere overhead,
    the thunder claps again,
    like it’s trying to convince me—

    this was all for me.

    I mean…

    I appreciate the gesture,
    but the sky really needs to chill.


    Journey into the Hexverse

    [It’s Almost Like I Know What I’m Doing]
    A self-aware reflection on nearly three decades of writing, discovering how rage became rhythm, pain became poetry, and comedic timing became another tool in the poet’s arsenal.

    [Lessons Without Kindness]
    A reflection on learning self-respect from a relationship that changed—the lessons hidden in manipulation, silence, and loss, and the realization that you don’t have to shrink yourself to make someone else feel tall.

    [Hell’s Protégé (Remix)]
    Rowan Evans revisits Hell’s Protégé, originally written in 2024, and reshapes the dark, infernal persona through a newer voice. The remix keeps the fire, darkness, and diabolic ambition of the original while allowing the poem to breathe differently.

    If you’re interested in more poetry, you can find it here → [The Library of Ashes]

  • Author’s Note

    Some moments don’t arrive loudly.

    There’s no breakthrough. No sudden shift that changes everything at once.

    Sometimes, it’s just a little space.

    A brief pause in the weight. A moment where your thoughts aren’t pressing in from every direction. Where things feel a little clearer–not fixed, not solved, just… easier to sit in.

    This piece comes from one of those moments.

    Not a transformation.

    Just a reminder that clarity still exists–and that when it shows up, even briefly, it’s worth acknowledging.

    — Rowan Evans


    Fog lifting from a quiet landscape as soft light reveals clarity and calm
    Clarity doesn’t always stay—but sometimes, it shows up just long enough to remind you it’s still there.

    When the Fog Steps Back
    Poetry by Rowan Evans

    The weight has shifted,
    the fog has lifted—
    and I am feeling
    a little more free.

    The world looks sharper now,
    edges returning,
    colors remembering themselves.

    Maybe I’m remembering myself too.

    I’m not saying I’ve got my life together—
    just that the fog finally backed up
    and gave me a little space.

    I’ll take the win.

    Clarity doesn’t visit often,
    but when it does…

    I let it stay
    as long as it wants.


    If you’re interested in more poetry, you can find it here → [The Library of Ashes]

  • Author’s Note

    There’s a specific kind of distance that’s hard to explain unless you’ve felt it.

    Not absence–
    but separation.

    Like you’re still here, still moving, still functioning…
    but you’re watching it happen from just behind your own eyes.

    This piece lives in that space.

    Between control and detachment. Between presence and drifting.

    For a long time, I thought connection was something that could fix that feeling–pull me fully back into myself.

    But that’s not really how it works.

    No one can do that for you.

    What they can do… is help anchor you.
    Give you something steady to hold onto while you find your way back.

    This piece isn’t about being saved.

    It’s about realizing that even in disconnection, even in that distance–
    there are still things that keep you here.

    And sometimes, that’s enough.

    — Rowan Evans


    Blurred figure standing in a dim room with a double-exposure effect symbolizing dissociation and emotional distance.
    Even at a distance from yourself, something can still keep you here.

    Right Behind My Eyes
    Poetry by Rowan Evans

    I stand between—
    control and disassociation.
    It’s like I’m right behind
    my own eyes,
    watching my own life
    pass me by.

    My body moves,
    but my mind
    stays still.

    Just going
    through the motions.

    Thoughts run rampant—

    One step forward,
    two steps back.
    One more step
    for everything I lack.

    From inside my mind,
    I see myself retreat—
    wake, eat, sleep, repeat.

    But I long
    for connection.

    Outside,
    I’m alone.
    Inside,
    her voice echoes.

    It keeps me—
    from drifting further,
    from disappearing completely.

    And in this struggle,
    I learned one thing:

    I don’t love easy—
    but when I love,
    I love deeply.

    And this love
    is the one thing
    that keeps me—
    from going under,
    from letting
    the darkness win.

    Because she can’t fix me,
    just like I can’t fix her.

    We’re not broken—
    we’re bruised.

    And bruises heal.
    Not by rescue,
    not by repair,
    but by time
    and care.

    And somehow—
    she draws the light
    from within me.


    Journey into the Hexverse!

    [The Voice in the Haze]
    A wandering dream, a voice that feels like memory, and a moment where everything quiets just enough to be found.

    If you’re interested in more poetry, you can find it here → [The Library of Ashes]

  • Author’s Note

    I’ve learned that when I care deeply, I sometimes pull back instead of leaning in. This piece is me noticing that reflex in real time – and choosing not to let it define me.

    Lingering isn’t the same as being lost. And retreating isn’t the same as running.

    — Rowan Evans


    Silhouette of a person standing at the edge of a quiet shoreline at dusk, symbolizing reflection and emotional retreat.
    Not lost. Just lingering — and choosing to return.

    Lingering, Not Lost (Mental Retreat)
    Poetry by Rowan Evans

    I retreat—
    when my mind
    gets messy.
    I repeat—
    thoughts on loop,
    spinning, hula-hoop.

    Saying I’m fine,
    when I know I’m not—
    I slip deeper
    into my thoughts.
    I sit in the dark
    inside my mind,
    not even trying
    to find
    a way out.

    I’m not trapped,
    I’m lingering.
    Haunting
    my own mind.
    Fighting
    my own misconceptions.
    Twisting secrets
    into confessions.

    Every thought—
    You.
    Who keeps me
    tethered,
    gripping reality tight
    so I don’t slip
    and lose my mind
    tonight?
    You.

    And it’s nothing you do.
    It’s just you, being you.

    So this descent
    is never permanent,
    but it leaves cracks—
    I know it does.

    Damage that can’t be undone—
    Only repaired
    slowly,
    with patience.
    With care.
    With staying.

    So I’ll try—
    I’ll try and pull myself free
    from this mental retreat.


    If you’re interested in more poetry, you can find it here → [The Library of Ashes]

  • Author’s Note

    This poem came from the space between impulse and consequence—the moment when truth is sharp enough to wound, and restraint becomes a form of survival. Etched in Memory is about knowing exactly how much damage your words can do, and choosing silence not because you are wrong, but because you are precise.

    Some of us learn early that a look can say too much, that honesty—when fully unleashed—doesn’t fade. It marks. It lingers. It becomes permanent.

    This piece is a quiet confession of power held back, of violence softened into poetry, of restraint learned the hard way. Not because the truth wasn’t there—but because it would have lasted.

    — Rowan Evans


    A shadowed figure looking away as dark ink bleeds from their eyes, symbolizing restraint, silence, and words etched into memory.
    Some truths don’t need to be spoken to be permanent.

    Etched in Memory
    Poetry by Rowan Evans

    My eyes learned restraint—
    before my mouth ever did.
    So I wouldn’t betray myself
    when I talked my shit.

    It was all—
    facts (fax), no printer.
    I did not
    speak a lie.

    But I
    would try
    not to speak at all.

    Because my eyes
    learned restraint—
    before my mouth ever did.

    Yet, they would
    always
    push me.

    Until…

    I would
    poetically
    dissect them—

    methodically
    dismember,
    until they
    remember.
    My words
    etched
    in memory.

    But my eyes
    learned restraint—
    before my mouth ever did.

    So I look away…

    to stop this shit.


    If you’re interested in more poetry, you can find it here → [The Library of Ashes]

  • Author’s Note

    Sometimes the hardest place to be is alone with your own thoughts.
    Not distracted. Not performing. Not numbed.
    Just you—unfiltered, unguarded, uncomfortably present.

    This piece isn’t about self-love as a slogan.
    It’s about self-confrontation.
    About whether you can remain seated when there’s no one left to impress, no one left to blame, and no one left to lean on.

    Because growth doesn’t begin when things feel good.
    It begins when you stop running.

    — Rowan Evans


    A solitary person sitting quietly in a dim room, symbolizing self-reflection and inner confrontation.
    Sometimes the hardest company to keep is your own.

    Can You Sit With Yourself?
    Poetry by Rowan Evans

    Can you sit
    with yourself?
    Not on a pedestal,
    not on a shelf—
    can you fucking
    sit with your
    self?

    In your thoughts,
    in your mind—
    can you wander,
    can you stroll,
    or would you be
    troubled
    by what you find?

    Would you bend,
    or break—
    could you carry
    the weight?

    Fight the urge
    to turn,
    to run.

    Could you stay…

    or would you be
    troubled
    enough
    to leave?


    If you’re interested in more poetry, you can find it here → [The Library of Ashes]