Poetry by Rowan Evans

[Content Warning]
This poem includes references to suicidal thoughts and mental health struggles.
Please read with care and know that support is always available.
If you are in crisis, please reach out to someone—or to me directly. 💜

You are not alone. Your pain is real. Your survival is sacred.

[Intro]
This is one of the hardest poems I’ve ever written—and maybe one of the most important.
It’s for anyone who’s ever stood on the edge, feeling like no one could reach them.
It’s about survival, memory, and the quiet miracle of being still here.
If you’re reading this and hurting, know this:
You’re not alone. And I’m not going anywhere.

“Still Here”

I’ve thought about it,
a time or two.
about what I would do,
if you ever failed to get through—

To pierce the fog in my mind,
if there wasn’t a single reason I could find,
to stay, to hold on just a little longer—
as I stood on the ledge,
overlooking the ocean’s edge.

I swore I’d never let it get to this point,
I would fight to keep from losing myself,
but I slipped, tripped and got lost along the way.

Wandering through my mind scape,
trying to find an escape—
trying to have an S on my chest and a red cape.

But I’m not a hero,
just a person with too much heart
and not enough quiet.

Still, I write.
Still, I breathe.
Still, I wait for your voice
to cut through the dark, a lighthouse
leading me through the storm fog.

Because if you ever stopped reaching,
I don’t know if I’d remember
how to swim.

So I clutch these memories
like life perservers—
your laugh, your light,
the way you once told me
I was more than the weight I carry.

And I whisper back,
even when you can’t hear me—

I’m trying,
I’m still here.
Hanging by a thread,
sometimes curious
about the taste of lead.
But no longer do I wish I were dead.

So I plead, so I never slip again—

Please.
Keep calling me home.

[Author’s Note]
If you’re feeling suicidal, please—reach out.
To a trusted friend, a family member, a professional.
Or, if those feel too close… too complicated…

Reach out to me.

You don’t have to go through this alone.
You matter.
Your voice matters.
And I will hold space for you.

rowan@poetrybyrowanevans.com

With all my heart,
– Rowan