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Poetry by Rowan Evans

Tag: feeling disconnected

  • Off-Center, Still Tethered – A Poem About Mental Disconnection and Finding Your Way Back

    Rowan Evans

    Author’s Note

    Sometimes the mind shifts slightly out of alignment. Not enough to call it depression or anxiety – just enough to feel off-center.

    This piece came from trying to describe that strange mental state where nothing is obviously wrong, yet everything feels a little disconnected. In moments like that, even a single steady thread can be enough to help you find your way back.

    — Rowan Evans

    Silhouette of a person standing slightly off center at a quiet shoreline at dusk, symbolizing mental disconnection and reflection.
    Sometimes you’re not lost—just slightly off-center, following the thread that leads you back.

    Off-Center, Still Tethered
    Poetry by Rowan Evans

    I don’t feel like myself lately.
    Like something is a little off, maybe.
    Something in my mental health slipped,
    it’s not depression or anxiety—
    it’s something else entirely.

    I’m not sad—just disconnected,
    severed threads rest on the ground
    around me as I sit in my mind—
    mentally exhausted. Body on autopilot.
    It’s like the floor shifted slightly,
    half an inch to the left
    when I wasn’t looking.
    Now every step feels right,
    but not quite—
    like something’s missing.

    I’ve always found
    that my mind
    and the world
    didn’t align.
    So I’ve always been
    a little off center.
    But this is more than that,
    it’s like a panic attack
    without the panic,
    not to be dramatic.

    It’s like depression,
    without the sadness.
    Just heavy weight,
    overwhelm and
    lack of motivation
    in social situations.

    That piles on,
    now I’m overwhelmed
    and feeling guilty.
    So I disappear into myself,
    but there’s one thread left
    tethered to the outside—
    the one constant in my thoughts.

    It’s the same thread
    that it’s always been,
    for the last year now.
    The same thoughts,
    that have kept me grounded—
    even when my head was in the clouds.
    So it is that thread,
    I will follow
    to find my way out.

    If you’re interested in more poetry, you can find it here → [The Library of Ashes]

  • Global Mind – A Poem About Borders, Belonging, and Finding Home Beyond Geography

    Rowan Evans

    Author’s Note

    This piece came from a place of clarity more than frustration. For most of my life, I’ve felt disconnected from the borders around me – not in rebellion, but in recognition. My internal world has always felt wider than the map I was handed.

    Global Mind isn’t about rejecting where I’m from. It’s about understanding that home, for me, has never been strictly geographic. It’s something relational. Something resonant. A connection to people and cultures that feel aligned, not assigned.

    Sometimes the relief comes not from escaping – but from finally articulating what you’ve known all along.

    — Rowan Evans

    A person standing on a city overlook at sunset, gazing toward a vast blended horizon symbolizing global identity and belonging beyond borders.
    Sometimes home isn’t a place.
    It’s a people. A connection. A resonance.

    Global Mind
    Poetry by Rowan Evans

    A global mind,
    trapped inside
    imaginary lines.
    These borders
    feel more like—
    shackles and chains.

    How do you
    push through
    when you—
    have always felt
    chained but unclaimed?

    Disconnected
    from the world
    around you.

    I feel like—
    I don’t belong
    and I never have.

    This place isn’t home to me.

    It’s emotional
    purgatory.
    Trapped in waiting.

    But you’re drawn to SEA—
    so you open your eyes
    to witness, the world
    in its vast existence.
    Stayed curious.
    Wanting to see
    every corner
    of every country.

    I want to understand.

    Now, I don’t know
    what the future holds.
    Or where I’ll finally
    put down roots,
    but I know when I
    finally find—home,
    it’ll be in the people
    around me. More than
    my surroundings.
    Because sometimes
    home isn’t a place.

    It’s a people.
    A vibe.

    A connection
    to a culture
    that resonates,
    in a way
    that your own
    never did.

    If you’re interested in more poetry, you can find it here → [The Library of Ashes]

  • Toward Somewhere I Can Breathe | A Poem About Longing, Disconnection & Finding Home

    Rowan Evans

    Author’s Note

    This piece is about a feeling I’ve struggled to name for most of my life — a feeling that I have tried to explain more recently — a quiet but persistent disconnect that began when I was fourteen.

    It isn’t about hating where I’m from.
    It isn’t about romanticizing somewhere else.

    It’s about that internal shift — the moment you realize you feel unrooted in a place where everyone else seems firmly planted.

    For years, I thought I was running away.
    Now I understand I’ve been moving toward something.

    Whether that “home” is a city, a country, a person, or a version of myself I haven’t fully stepped into yet — I don’t know.

    But I know this:
    I am not lost anymore.
    I am in motion.

    — Rowan Evans

    A lone figure looking toward a distant city skyline under a star-filled night sky, symbolizing longing and the search for home.
    Sometimes home isn’t where you started. Sometimes it’s where you finally breathe.

    Toward Somewhere I Can Breathe
    Poetry by Rowan Evans

    I’ve tried my whole life
    to explain it.
    This disconnect,
    I’ve felt since
    2004.

    How can I make it
    any more clear?
    I just don’t belong here.

    I’m going to try
    and try to make it
    make sense.
    I was fourteen,
    Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi
    on the screen.

    But that’s not the important part.

    Inside—
    I could feel
    threads fray,
    and they
    already existed
    in decay.

    But I learned quickly,
    in 2007 exactly—
    there is Filth in the Beauty,
    and the reverse
    can be the same.

    That’s when
    my view of the
    world changed,
    and became
    cemented.

    Something shifted,
    vision cleared—
    and everything
    I missed before,
    just appeared.

    Where everyone
    around me,
    seemed rooted
    in the here.

    And I—
    would close my eyes,
    and wish upon
    shooting stars.
    I wanted out,
    I wanted to leave,
    go somewhere far.

    I knew it would take time,
    I needed things to align.
    But now I know
    what I’m moving toward,
    what I’m working for.

    I’m moving toward home.
    A place, where I belong.

    Maybe when I finally leave,
    I’ll touch down in the Philippines
    to walk Manila’s streets,
    and finally be able to breathe.

    If you’re interested in more poetry, you can find it here → [The Library of Ashes]