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Poetry by Rowan Evans

Tag: punchlines

  • Don’t Push Me | A Playful Battle-Poetry Piece About Standing Your Ground

    Rowan Evans

    Author’s Note

    Don’t Push Me is another exercise in letting my battle-poet voice stretch its legs.

    This isn’t meant as a literal threat or a callout toward any particular person. It’s playful bravado—the kind of exaggerated, cartoonish toughness that happens when I take an ordinary insult, run it through my sense of humor, and see how far I can push the rhyme.

    The opening starts with something I’ve genuinely heard for most of my life: being called “four-eyes.” From there, the poem turns that insult into ammunition. If you’re going to give me material, I’m going to make something out of it.

    And then, naturally, my brain couldn’t resist sabotaging the intimidation.

    I’m not— (shhh, nice kitty)

    Because apparently even Battle Rowan has an editor.
    Sometimes the strongest thing you can do with anger isn’t explode.
    Sometimes it’s turn it into a punchline.

    — Rowan Evans

    A confident poet wearing glasses stands on a dark stage with swirling ink and a mischievous cat silhouette behind them.
    Sometimes you don’t have to throw the first punch—you just have to know what to do with the material they give you.

    Don’t Push Me
    Poetry by Rowan Evans

    You called me four-eyes?
    And you want me
    to react to that?
    I’ve had glasses since I was two,
    bifocals since five—
    I’ve had four eyes,
    longer than you’ve been alive.

    What’s next?
    You gonna call me slow?

    (I’m fast as fuck, boi.)

    Physically or mentally?
    Doesn’t matter though,
    there’s something
    you should know.

    I don’t back down,
    I stand my ground—
    because every fight I’m in,
    is like a fight for my life—
    I’m scrawny as fuck, man,
    still use no weapons—
    just fists, no knife.

    So trust me—

    you don’t want the jokes to stop,
    you don’t want to know
    what it’s like, when I really talk—

    so please don’t push me,
    ’cause I’m not— (shhh, nice kitty)

    Journey into the Hexverse…

    [B.S.T.F.U.]
    A playful battle-poetry exercise packed with insults, internal rhymes, punchlines, wordplay, and literary swagger. B.S.T.F.U. is Rowan Evans flexing the verbal muscles—not calling out anyone in particular.

    If you’re interested in more poetry, you can find it here → [The Library of Ashes]

  • B.S.T.F.U. | A Battle-Poetry Flex by Rowan Evans

    Rowan Evans

    Author’s Note

    B.S.T.F.U. is me flexing.

    There isn’t a real target hiding behind this poem, no specific person I’m trying to call out, and no secret literary feud happening behind the scenes. I wrote this because sometimes I like to take the battle-poet side of my voice out for a walk and see what it can do.

    This piece is deliberately over-the-top. It’s swagger, insults, wordplay, internal rhyme, punchlines, and a little bit of absurdity thrown into the blender. The goal wasn’t to make a serious accusation—it was to practice the mechanics of verbal combat while having fun with the language.

    And honestly, that’s part of why I love writing: sometimes I want to write something vulnerable, sometimes I want to build mythology, sometimes I want to make conspiracy theories about fish, and sometimes I just want to look at the imaginary competition and say:

    Where are you on the ladder?

    Below me.

    It’s not that serious.

    But the pen game?

    That part is serious.

    — Rowan Evans

    A confident poet stands in a dark battle-poetry arena holding a fountain pen beside a towering ladder symbolizing literary skill.
    No target. No feud. Just a poet flexing the pen and climbing the imaginary ladder.

    B.S.T.F.U.
    Poetry by Rowan Evans

    Bitch, shut the fuck up—
    what’chu talkin’ about?

    Don’t think I haven’t heard—
    how you’re runnin’ your mouth.

    You thought ’cause I don’t talk a lot,
    I was open season, you should be scared—
    let me give you a reason, I’m a big dog—
    all bite, no bark and a license to write still.

    I write with precision, I write kills—

    you’re not a writer,
    you’re the one who steals—

    plagiarizing those with skill.

    It’s stolen lines
    and stolen rhymes—
    the only thing keeping you
    holding on to borrowed time—

    it’s not yours—

    it’s whoever writes for you.

    It’s me and it’s them—
    it’s the wielders of the pen.
    Those with skill,
    with lines that kill
    and lines that heal—

    we know—

    you don’t write, bitch—
    be so for real.

    You don’t know what a metaphor is—

    and a stanza?
    You hear that and you’re like—
    isn’t his first name Tony?

    Bitch, you’re a phony…

    if you were
    to try and write—
    baloney.

    All that to ask—

    when it comes
    to writing—
    where are you
    on the ladder?

    Below me.

    Journey into the Hexverse…

    [Across the Page-cific]
    A playful, autobiographical journey through the strange places poetry can take me—from sandwich heartbreak and pasta diss poems to gothic monsters, mythology, ravens, ghosts, and storms across the page. Beneath the absurdity is something deeply personal: the realization that writing gave me a way to rebuild myself, piece by piece.

    If you’re interested in more poetry, you can find it here → [The Library of Ashes]