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Poetry by Rowan Evans

Tag: writing humor

  • Confession or Cap? | A Sharp, Humorous Poetry by Rowan Evans

    Rowan Evans

    Author’s Note

    I’ve always had a complicated relationship with the voice that comes through my pen.

    Sometimes it tells the truth. Sometimes it exaggerates. Sometimes it gets a little too comfortable talking shit.

    And sometimes I genuinely can’t tell where one ends and the other begins.

    So before you read this one, there’s really only one question worth asking:

    Is it confession—or cap?

    — Rowan Evans

    A poet writing at a desk while a shadowy version of themselves and flames rise from the pages.
    Sometimes the pen tells the truth. Sometimes it talks shit. Sometimes it does both.

    Confession or Cap?
    Poetry by Rowan Evans

    Ask anyone and they’ll tell you—
    I’m nice and that’s true,
    but my pen can be mean
    when it speaks—
    so when I write,
    you’ve gotta ask—
    is it confession—

    or am I just talking
    my shit again?

    I’ve dissed other poets before—
    said they were boring, put me to sleep
    and called them all Watson—
    because their rhymes were elementary.
    So when you say I’m great?

    No shit, Sherlock.

    I’ve written the copies of copies,
    and the copies that copied that—

    inspired less by poets and more by rap—

    that’s why when my pen gets hot,
    I don’t know how to stop—
    so I pen fire and burn my hands, (ouch!)
    what am I sayin’? Everything I drop—

    Flames.

    Journey into the Hexverse

    [Fine, Fire It Is]
    A playful poem about abandoning an ice metaphor, getting carried away with fire, and discovering that sometimes the best description of a poet’s pen is something that refuses to cool down.

    [Exhibit A]
    A quick-witted, unapologetically playful poem about writing fast, crossing lines, roasting the competition, and letting rhythm do the talking.

    [Why So Serious?]
    A playful, chaotic poem packed with pop-culture references, superhero imagery, Disney characters, wordplay, and the kind of ridiculous puns that make the poet wonder why they were ever given a pen.

    [Welcome to the Hexverse]
    Step into the Hexverse—a poetic world where mythmaking, humor, rage, creativity, and confession collide, and darkness becomes something that can be reshaped into art.

    If you’re interested in more poetry, you can find it here → [The Library of Ashes]

  • Fine, Fire It Is | A Playful Metaphor Poem by Rowan Evans

    Rowan Evans

    Author’s Note

    Sometimes a metaphor refuses to behave.

    This piece started with ice, took a few unexpected detours through pop-culture references, and eventually decided that being “cold” was nowhere near the right description anyway.

    So I stopped fighting the metaphor and let the fire take over.

    Because sometimes the pen doesn’t freeze.

    It smolders.

    — Rowan Evans

    A poet writing with a smoking pen as melting ice gives way to flames and glowing embers.
    The metaphor started cold. The pen decided it had something hotter to say.

    Fine, Fire It Is
    Poetry by Rowan Evans

    I’ll drop a Frozen bar because I’m cold—
    Emma Frost—hold on—that reference doesn’t land,
    it’s not ice, her skin turns to diamonds, man.

    It wasn’t in reference to her skin—

    well, what was it then?

    Her cold ass personality, duh, that’s the reality—
    she’s not nice, she’s mean—a real Ice Queen.

    Could have gotten there faster
    with Iceman, Bobby Drake—

    Or better yet, I could have said—
    I’ll drop a Frozen bar, because I’m cold—
    like Frozone, where’s my super suit?

    Fine.
    We’ll skip ice.

    That’d be nice,
    right?

    Cool—
    no, wait—
    not cool.
    We said we’re done with that.

    Fine then,
    fire it is—

    I pen flames,
    draggin’ ink across the page
    like a dragon’s rage—
    scorchin’ margins,
    burnin’ through the lines
    like I’m tryin’ to cremate the rhyme.

    See?
    This is why I shouldn’t switch metaphors—
    I get carried away,
    turn a spark into a wildfire,
    turn a wildfire into a prophecy,
    turn a prophecy into a punchline.

    But whatever—
    heat fits better anyway.
    I’m not cold,
    I’m molten—
    I don’t freeze,
    I smolder.

    And if ice didn’t land,
    fire always will—
    because even when I’m calm,
    my pen still smokes
    from the last thing I wrote.

    Journey into the Hexverse

    [Exhibit A]
    A quick-witted, unapologetically playful poem about writing fast, crossing lines, roasting the competition, and letting rhythm do the talking.

    [Why So Serious?]
    A playful, chaotic poem packed with pop-culture references, superhero imagery, Disney characters, wordplay, and the kind of ridiculous puns that make the poet wonder why they were ever given a pen.

    [Welcome to the Hexverse]
    Step into the Hexverse—a poetic world where mythmaking, humor, rage, creativity, and confession collide, and darkness becomes something that can be reshaped into art.

    If you’re interested in more poetry, you can find it here → [The Library of Ashes]

  • Content Warning | A Humorous Poetry Roast of Bad Storytelling and Bad People

    Rowan Evans

    Author’s Note

    This poem wasn’t planned.
    It wasn’t outlined.
    It wasn’t even politely invited.

    It showed up at 6:58 AM, unannounced, fully formed, and absolutely determined to be written. I was trying to go back to sleep, but the first nine lines kept repeating in my head like a notification I couldn’t clear. So I got up, opened my notes, and twenty‑two minutes later this entire piece existed.

    It’s not deep.
    It’s not symbolic.
    It’s not part of a series.

    It’s just what happens when my brain decides to roast someone using the language of literature and refuses to let me rest until I write it down.

    Most of my recent work has been heavy, reflective, rooted in longing and transition. This one is… not that. This is me having fun. This is me letting the metaphorical knife out for a morning stroll. This is me, writing the poetic equivalent of a one‑star Goodreads review for a person who deserved it.

    If you’re here for emotional devastation, don’t worry — I’ll get back to that soon.
    But for now, enjoy this brief intermission of petty, poetic chaos.

    — Rowan Evans

    An edited manuscript covered in red proofreading marks on a writer's desk with a fountain pen and scattered pages.
    “Some stories deserve five stars. Others deserve a content warning.”

    Content Warning
    Poetry by Rowan Evans

    I’m going to tell you like it is,
    if I don’t like you—
    I’m going to say it quick.

    I read you like a book,
    the moment you entered my view.
    I read you like my favorite series,
    finished in a day—

    but you’re a book, full of plot holes.
    Your narrative is flawed.

    Your dialogue is forced,
    your motives unclear,
    your character arc
    never quite lands, dear.

    I don’t need a sequel
    to know how this ends.
    Some stories fall apart
    before the final page—
    and yours was unraveling
    from the start.

    Your thoughts are typos,
    in need of rewrite, bro—
    editor should have lost their job, too.

    How were you released to the public?

    Your plot twists fall flat,
    your pacing drags,
    your themes contradict
    every claim you make.

    What genre are you even in?

    You’re a draft
    that never should’ve passed
    the first round of edits—

    a story stitched together
    with clichés and guesswork.

    I’ve read fanfiction
    with tighter structure
    and more believable motives.

    You’re not a novel—
    you’re a warning label
    masquerading as prose.

    You should come with a content warning:

    This content blows.

    Journey into the Hexverse…

    [The Monster in the Margins]
    Drawing inspiration from horror icons like Michael Myers, Ghostface, Freddy Krueger, and Pennywise, this poem explores the darker side of creativity—where inspiration becomes an unstoppable force lurking just beyond the edge of the page.

    [Director’s Commentary]
    Director’s Commentary is a self-aware free verse poem that turns the poet’s recurring metaphors into the subject itself, exploring creativity, artistic habits, and the humorous inner critic that follows every writer from draft to draft.

    If you’re interested in more poetry, you can find it here → [The Library of Ashes]