Some poems arrive carrying trauma, existential questions, complicated metaphors, and enough symbolism to fill a cathedral.
This one showed up carrying a fucking pun.
Hedge Funds (Not My Fun) is deliberately stupid. I wanted to play with sound, names, word associations, and the increasingly questionable logic of a joke that refuses to die. Sometimes the page doesn’t need another emotional excavation—it just needs to have a little fun.
So yes, this is a poem about hedge funds.
No, I don’t actually have any.
And apparently, neither does my fun.
— Rowan Evans
The hedge has funds. The funds aren’t mine. Therefore, the fun remains tragically unfunded.
Hedge Funds (Not My Fun) Poetry by Rowan Evans
I think I’m so fucking funny—
I’ll make a Big Pun,
while lookin’ like a Pimp
C—but you can’t see me,
like my name is John
and my time is now—
or at least, I hope it is.
Because I’m trying to get my funds up,
yeah, I want to get my fun up—
so I stack my funds
as high as my hedges—
get it?
Hedge Fund.
That means the money isn’t mine—
so I’m stacking some funds high,
they’re just not my funds, and—
because they’re not my funds,
they do not fund my fun, man.
Slim & Shady II is a playful experiment—a lyrical playground where wordplay, rhythm, and mischief collide. While much of my work dwells in the sacred darkness of Neo-Gothic Confessional Romanticism, this piece leans into cadence, puns, and clever twists inspired by the craft and energy of artists like Eminem and Ez Mil.
Here, the voice is extroverted, daring, and mischievous—turning language itself into both playground and weapon. Each line is a deliberate play of shadow and light, a balance of humor and darkness, echoing the parts of me that delight in the chaos, the riddles, and the audacious joy of words.
Shadows & Laughter nods to the duality I carry within my work: the intimate intensity of emotion, and the exuberant, witty, irreverent self that refuses to be confined. This poem is my invitation to step inside the game, to follow the twists of rhyme, and to let mischief, laughter, and the thrill of language guide you.
Channeling chaos, rhythm, and mischief—Slim & Shady II: Shadows & Laughter by Rowan Evans.
I’m slim, baby, got room to grow—
If you stick in the shadows, the light I’ll show.
Bars in my pocket, but my heart on display—
I’ll twist your mind like a cipher, then slip away.
I lace the lines with mischief, twist the words like springs,
Jokes in the margins, hidden meanings in the rings.
Microphone magician, syllables combust,
Every pun a spark, every rhyme a must.
Check the cadence—flip it, spin it, ride the beat,
Tongue-tied tumbles, clever hooks on repeat.
I sneak the truth in riddles, humor in disguise,
Every verse a mirror, reflecting sharp surprise.
Snap your brain with wordplay, tickle ears with wit,
Layers stacked like Lego, every piece legit.
I rhyme for chaos, for laughter, for the thrill,
Slim & Shady in spirit—but the voice is all skill.
I dodge clichés like dodging bullets in a flick,
Punchlines loaded, witty twists, my linguistic shtick.
Bars drip cleverness, inked with flair and jest,
Every line a labyrinth, every rhyme a test.
I shuffle words like cards, stack metaphors high,
Double meanings lurking, waiting sly in the sky.
Heartbeat syncopates with syllables in flight,
Laughter meets the darkness in the folds of night.
Eminem taught the cadence, Ez Mil the bite,
I channel both, a fusion of shadow and light.
Playful with the venom, mischievous and raw,
Every verse a puzzle, every hook a claw.
License to pun, with a semicolon in my hand,
Crossword battles brewing, wits at my command.
I spit paradox, irony, and clever jest,
Heart on my sleeve, mischief in my chest.
I juggle words like daggers, wit my only weapon,
Every rhyme a spark, every verse a confession.
Slim in spirit, shady in grin,
Twisting the world with the chaos within.
I rhyme, I jest, I twist, I tease—
Slim & Shady, now bow to me, please.
Bars in the heart, beats in the mind,
Every line a hook, every hook a sign.
I slip through the syllables, vanish in the pun,
Shadow and laughter—my mischief is done.
Slim & Shady represents an intentional departure from my typical Neo-Gothic Confessional Romanticism style. While my work often navigates darkness, devotion, and the sacred intimacy of emotional intensity, this piece allowed me to explore playfulness, wordplay, and the rhythm of language in a more extroverted, lyrical mode.
The poem is inspired by the energy and craft of rappers like Eminem and Ez Mil—artists whose work demonstrates that poetry can exist outside the page, in beats, bars, and flow. Here, I experimented with pun-driven humor, internal rhymes, and clever metaphors, while still maintaining a personal voice and poetic precision.
Writing Slim & Shady was an exercise in flexibility and homage: to show that my creativity is not confined to one aesthetic, to embrace influences beyond traditional literary sources, and to honor the ways that music, modern lyricism, and pop culture inform the poetry I write.
This poem is as much a celebration of language’s agility as it is a declaration that my writing—while often dark, confessional, and intense—can also be mischievous, clever, and audacious.
Slim & Shady spins—a tribute to wordplay, rhythm, and poetic devotion outside the ordinary.
Slim & Shady Poetry by Rowan Evans
I’m slim and a little shady, but my name isn’t Marshall, baby. I don’t play games—I’ll show you, you’re all that matters (Mathers), maybe.
I spit bars like Morse code, dots and dashes tracing your pulse in secret mode. A pun dealer, word-wrangler, lyricist on call, my syllables hit harder than a heavyweight in a brawl.
I walk in soles, not just with souls, kickin’ rhymes while your world rolls. License to rhyme, no paperwork filed, parking my wit in your mind, untamed and wild.
Cupid called—he wants his arrows back, I said “Sorry, they’re trapped in a pun-packed stack.” Knight of puns, Queen of quips, cocktails of cleverness sliding to your lips.
I rhyme in circles, loop devotion, heart stuck on repeat in clever-motion. “You love me,” you say—I hear: “I’ll pun your heart like it’s fresh veneer.”
I swing metaphors like a playground sword, hyperboles armed, similes stored. Shady? Maybe. Slim? Of course. I bend words like rivers, a linguistic force.
I’m the mixtape of thought you didn’t know you needed, the chorus of chaos, perfectly seeded. I spit fire, not smoke—incendiary lines, crossword puzzle heart, riddled in signs.
Your laugh? A semicolon in my sentence— pause, breath, then back to my pence. Double meanings double the fun, like two-step lyrics under the pun-sun.
I slide in rhymes, slicker than gel, tongue-tied labyrinth, I’ll never fail. Slim, shady, sly, not Marshall but true, I pun my devotion, spelling it out for you.
I’m the vinyl scratch in your mental groove, the hidden hook you never saw move. I take your name, make it rhyme, and spin, pun-demic heart—welcome, come on in.
Journey in the Hexverse
Feral Cathedral— Hex Nightshade Dive into the raw, feral worship of desire in Feral Cathedral. A hymn to hunger, chaos, and devotion—where teeth, breath, and pulse become sacred.
Gold in Open Hands— Rowan Evans A quiet liturgy for those who give without spectacle, who hold the weight of others’ lives tenderly, scattering hope like seeds and crafting a sanctuary in the cracks of the world.
Through the Shattered Glass— B.D. Nightshade Enter the mind of a fractured soul, piecing together the aftermath of a night shrouded in blood and memory. Fragments of self, shadowed actions, and haunting reflections collide—leaving only one question: What have I done?
Every word I write is a devotion, a fragment of shadow and light carefully shaped into verse. On my Ko-fi, I offer custom poems, personalized rituals in language, and lyrical messages crafted just for you—or someone you wish to honor, surprise, or remember.
Whether you seek:
A poem for a loved one, friend, or muse
A ritualized or thematic verse for special occasions
A written reflection to say everything you struggle to
…each commission is approached with care, reverence, and the intensity of my signature Neo-Gothic Confessional Romanticism.
✨ Special Offer:Use code NGCR25 at checkout to receive 25% off any commission until the end of the month. Let these words become your keepsake, your offering, your moment of devotion.
