Author’s Note

When I Fall is about the way I experience love when I stop trying to make it smaller.

I have never been particularly good at feeling things halfway. When something reaches my heart, it tends to go deeper than the surface—into the marrow, into the places where emotion becomes difficult to separate from identity. That intensity can be beautiful, but it can also hurt when the love I give doesn’t find its way back to me.

The easy response would be to close myself off.

To dim the light.

To protect myself by pretending I don’t feel as deeply as I do.

But I don’t want to do that.

There is something important about refusing to treat your capacity for love as a flaw simply because someone else couldn’t—or wouldn’t—meet you there. Sometimes loving wholeheartedly means accepting that you may get hurt. Sometimes being honest about what you feel means sitting with the loneliness afterward.

That doesn’t mean the answer is to become colder.

I would rather keep my heart open.

I would rather love the way I love—whole, honest, and unhidden—than spend my life making myself smaller just to avoid the possibility of pain.

Maybe falling hard isn’t the problem.

Maybe the real courage is choosing to keep getting back up without becoming afraid of the fall.

— Rowan Evans

When I Fall
Poetry by Rowan

When I fall, I fall hard.
I feel it all or nothing—
when it comes to matters of the heart.

There is no middle ground,
no in-between—
it’s all or nothing for me.

I send out love,
and no one returns with it.
so I sit alone—
it’s the same as always,
I’m used to it.

I wear my heart on my sleeve,
exposed to the elements.
That means I feel things deeply,
nothing is surface level—
everything is marrow deep.

So I pour myself in crimson ink
across a porcelain page—
the only place
that I can put this pain.

Still, I don’t close myself.
I don’t dim the light.
I don’t pretend my heart is smaller
than it is.
I love the way I love—
whole, honest, unhidden—
even if it leaves me alone sometimes.

Journey into the Hexverse…

[Where the Metaphors Lead]
Some truths are easier to write than they are to say aloud. “Where the Metaphors Lead” explores the quiet space between dreams, confession, and the courage it takes to let another person know how deeply they’ve become woven into your inner world.

[Beach to Beach (How I Get There)]
A dream becomes a journey between familiar shores and unfamiliar cities in Beach to Beach (How I Get There), a poem about imagined travel, ocean crossings, longing, and the places we hope to someday reach while awake.

[The World Shifted Around Us]
The world transformed around us—beach, city streets, jungle—but we never moved. Sometimes love isn’t found in words, but in the quiet certainty of someone remaining clear while everything else fades.

[I’d Rather Try]
Anyone can promise they’d die for someone. But love isn’t built on one dramatic moment—it’s built on showing up, trying again tomorrow, and proving your words through consistent action.

If you’re interested in more poetry, you can find it here → [The Library of Ashes]